i'm dan

Is that supposed to make you special?

yes. yes it is.

So, what is the purpose of this site?

something to do. it also lets me exercise my vanity by presupposing that anyone's gonna read this stuff.

Will you tell me where you live?

los angeles county

That's pretty big. Can you be more specific?

sure. i'm in the part where you can see the mountains.

How about your address?

no

Blood type? Phone number? A list of your fears??

wait a minute...who are you?

Uh...moving on, what do you do for a living?

...i author dvd's.

That sounds cool. Did you do that one where that guy got eaten by that thing and then he screamed?

i might have.

Awesome. This one time, I saw a movie where...

aren't we supposed to be talking about me?

Right. So...do you like...stuff?

indeed. stuff is the essence of life.

Do you have nude pictures?

of what?

Of you.

i think everyone who has ever owned a digital camera has taken such pictures at one point.

So that means you have some?

no.

Oh. Well, then, why should I care about this site?

i guess you shouldn't. dick.